“𝒜𝓃𝓍𝒾𝑒𝓉𝓎 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝑒𝓂𝓅𝓉𝓎 𝓉𝑜𝓂𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝑜𝒻 𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑜𝓌𝓈, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝑒𝓂𝓅𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝓉𝑜𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝑜𝒻 𝒾𝓉𝓈 𝓈𝓉𝓇𝑒𝓃𝑔𝓉𝒽.” —𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓇𝓁𝑒𝓈 𝒮𝓅𝓊𝓇𝑔𝑒𝑜𝓃
Today, I want to have a chat. Some of you probably know a lot of what has been going on in my life, but for those who don’t here is a little recap. I started my adult career in engineering and hated most days of it. My health and mental wellbeing were difficult to keep up with while I was doing a job that wasn’t a good fit, so when covid hit and I was let go I took the opportunity to figure out what I wanted. After a breakup, family health scares, losing my job, and being locked down alone with nothing but my animals and my thoughts for a few months I finally figured it out: organizing. (I can’t take full credit for figuring it out – thanks, Emma!)
Since August, I have been building my business. I got my LLC in January, my first employee in February, and finally got to the point where we are booked out a month ahead. Obviously building a business isn’t exactly easy, but everything seems to be falling in place so well. In fact, everything has been falling in place almost too easily. I have been building my relationships with friends I never had energy to make time for, my health has been increasingly getting stronger, and I started dating a man who is helping me work on my past trauma (and a lot of projects).
The past 8 months, I have had more free time than I feel like I deserve. I have had time and energy to focus on what I need to: me. And I have somehow built a business that continues to grow with minimal effort. Don’t get me wrong, I am still working hard… but it doesn’t feel like work. It doesn’t sap the energy out of me to get up and go to work in the mornings. In fact, it excites me. Every new client who calls gives me energy and hope to help with someone. Every time I get to work with Abbie, we have fun!! I NEVER would have expected to be where I am today.
So why am I so anxious? Why am I so stressed? And most of all, why am I waiting on the other shoe to drop? For everything to crash and burn and go back to “normal”? Why can’t I just let myself be happy with the growth of my business and the time I get to have with my friends? Does anyone else have this problem? I literally had a fight with myself internally today at work. At our hoarder house, I saw everything we had left to do and heard my internal voice say “Are you sure you can do this? What if it isn’t enough? What if she hates it and shares negative reviews that ruin your business? It isn’t too late to leave and go back to engineering. It could be worse” Where did that come from?! I had to tell myself “Excuse you, look how far you’ve come. Stop wasting energy telling yourself you can’t and just do it!”
This week, I’ve been finding myself saying daily: “Enjoy what you have. If things go wrong, it’s okay. Don’t waste this time expecting it to go downhill. Enjoy it while you have it, whether it’s 8 months, 8 years, or the rest of your life.” Yoga is helping me stay in the here and now… at least temporarily. When you’re used to fighting to live every day, thriving is hard. It doesn’t seem real. Honestly, I’m waiting to wake up from a coma in an alternate reality! Do you have anything you do to help with anxiety and feelings like this? I have no real answers, I just needed to write it out and try to see if anyone can help me make sense of it. I love you all so much and I hope you are thriving as much as I’m trying to!! 😊 As always, if you take any fun pictures or videos, tag me on Instagram @SmileMakePeopleWonder and use the hashtag #DandelionSmiles. Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss out on the next exciting idea