When Will That Shoe Drop?

โ€œ๐’œ๐“ƒ๐“๐’พ๐‘’๐“‰๐“Ž ๐’น๐‘œ๐‘’๐“ˆ ๐“ƒ๐‘œ๐“‰ ๐‘’๐“‚๐“…๐“‰๐“Ž ๐“‰๐‘œ๐“‚๐‘œ๐“‡๐“‡๐‘œ๐“Œ ๐‘œ๐’ป ๐’พ๐“‰๐“ˆ ๐“ˆ๐‘œ๐“‡๐“‡๐‘œ๐“Œ๐“ˆ, ๐’ท๐“Š๐“‰ ๐‘œ๐“ƒ๐“๐“Ž ๐‘’๐“‚๐“…๐“‰๐’พ๐‘’๐“ˆ ๐“‰๐‘œ๐’น๐’ถ๐“Ž ๐‘œ๐’ป ๐’พ๐“‰๐“ˆ ๐“ˆ๐“‰๐“‡๐‘’๐“ƒ๐‘”๐“‰๐’ฝ.โ€ โ€”๐’ž๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“‡๐“๐‘’๐“ˆ ๐’ฎ๐“…๐“Š๐“‡๐‘”๐‘’๐‘œ๐“ƒ

Today, I want to have a chat. Some of you probably know a lot of what has been going on in my life, but for those who donโ€™t here is a little recap. I started my adult career in engineering and hated most days of it. My health and mental wellbeing were difficult to keep up with while I was doing a job that wasnโ€™t a good fit, so when covid hit and I was let go I took the opportunity to figure out what I wanted. After a breakup, family health scares, losing my job, and being locked down alone with nothing but my animals and my thoughts for a few months I finally figured it out: organizing. (I canโ€™t take full credit for figuring it out โ€“ thanks, Emma!)

Since August, I have been building my business. I got my LLC in January, my first employee in February, and finally got to the point where we are booked out a month ahead. Obviously building a business isnโ€™t exactly easy, but everything seems to be falling in place so well. In fact, everything has been falling in place almost too easily. I have been building my relationships with friends I never had energy to make time for, my health has been increasingly getting stronger, and I started dating a man who is helping me work on my past trauma (and a lot of projects).

The past 8 months, I have had more free time than I feel like I deserve. I have had time and energy to focus on what I need to: me. And I have somehow built a business that continues to grow with minimal effort. Donโ€™t get me wrong, I am still working hardโ€ฆ but it doesnโ€™t feel like work. It doesnโ€™t sap the energy out of me to get up and go to work in the mornings. In fact, it excites me. Every new client who calls gives me energy and hope to help with someone. Every time I get to work with Abbie, we have fun!! I NEVER would have expected to be where I am today.

So why am I so anxious? Why am I so stressed? And most of all, why am I waiting on the other shoe to drop? For everything to crash and burn and go back to โ€œnormalโ€? Why canโ€™t I just let myself be happy with the growth of my business and the time I get to have with my friends? Does anyone else have this problem? I literally had a fight with myself internally today at work. At our hoarder house, I saw everything we had left to do and heard my internal voice say โ€œAre you sure you can do this? What if it isnโ€™t enough? What if she hates it and shares negative reviews that ruin your business? It isnโ€™t too late to leave and go back to engineering. It could be worseโ€ Where did that come from?! I had to tell myself โ€œExcuse you, look how far youโ€™ve come. Stop wasting energy telling yourself you canโ€™t and just do it!โ€

This week, Iโ€™ve been finding myself saying daily: โ€œEnjoy what you have. If things go wrong, itโ€™s okay. Donโ€™t waste this time expecting it to go downhill. Enjoy it while you have it, whether itโ€™s 8 months, 8 years, or the rest of your life.โ€ Yoga is helping me stay in the here and nowโ€ฆ at least temporarily. When youโ€™re used to fighting to live every day, thriving is hard. It doesnโ€™t seem real. Honestly, Iโ€™m waiting to wake up from a coma in an alternate reality! Do you have anything you do to help with anxiety and feelings like this? I have no real answers, I just needed to write it out and try to see if anyone can help me make sense of it. I love you all so much and I hope you are thriving as much as Iโ€™m trying to!! ๐Ÿ˜Š As always, if you take any fun pictures or videos, tag me on Instagram @SmileMakePeopleWonder and use the hashtag #DandelionSmiles. Donโ€™t forget to subscribe so you donโ€™t miss out on the next exciting idea

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